About three weeks ago we mailed our application to a new adoption agency, one that offered the Special Needs program we wanted. I have been trying to contact them and finally on Friday we got a call. They are closing. Due to the economy they can no longer stay open (they will finish with their current families, but are not taking on new ones). I was shocked and in tears most of the day. I don't even know what to feel or think at this point. With both agencies I have felt so good about the decision and now I am doubting myself. So now we start over...again. We have to find a new agency...again.
This road just keeps getting longer and longer with more and more bumps along the way. Will it ever end? Will we ever bring a daughter home? Not one hour goes by that I am not thinking about our little girl. Is she born yet? How old is she? What does she look like? What is her personality like? Is she in an orphanage or foster care? Is there someone to hold her and love her? Every time I see a little girl (whether she is a newborn or toddler, has blond hair our dark hair) my heart breaks a little and I have to fight the tears. I miss my little girl so much and I have never even seen her.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
another bump (or boulder) in the road
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Hey Mandee, just wanted to say I love you and think of you often. The news makes me sad about your seemingly endless struggles right now. But, thank goodness for your handsome boys. It is amazing just how much joy kids bring into our lives, and I know two boys keep you busy and force you to stay strong! Hopefully you will hear better news soon. Love you!! Melanie
I am sorry Mandee. I wish I knew what to say! :( All I can think of is that I know that "all these things shall give thee experience". I can relate to your feelings of frustration, disappointment and longing--I still have my moments. The only comfort is in prayer. If you follow the promptings you receive, you will know you did all you could, however it turns out--even the boulders. I don't know where God is leading you, but let Him lead. For us, it didn't lead where we thought it would in the beginning, and sometimes I doubt even now, but then peace comes and all is well. Life is good and eternity awaits! I love you.
OH, I feel so bad for you! I keep checking in with your blog to see what is new. I am sorry this time was not good news, but I still believe that your dream will find a way to come true! I am glad we finally found a way to keep in touch! Be sure and check out my kids blogs, they are much better than I am! Kiras is timandkira.blogspot.com...neal's is nealandangie.blogspot.com, and Nephi's is nephiguymon@blogspot.com.
What is new with Cindy? I would love to get her email address if you have it! Does she have a blog? I know she is a busy woman! Tell your family Hi for me! One of these days, we will have to get together and I will teach you to make some of the candy that the Hillmans were so famous for.
By the way, if you are on Facebook ( if not you need to be ) we really have allot of the cousins that are keeping in touch with that nowdays. Good luck! Lets get together sometime!
Connie
I'm so sorry to hear about your "bumps" all the way around. I'm glad you are Ok on your trip down the stairs, and I know you will be Ok with the whole agency thing. Isn't it a blessing to know that whatever happens in life is in our best interest even if we don't understand it yet. I hope and pray for you and your little girl to be re-united soon. :)
Dear Mandee,
I am so sorry to hear about this latest "bump" along your way. I find my heart in my throat as I try to think of something worthwhile to say or do. My heart feels the words I cannot seem to find. I was glancing over a recent Church News and saw an article about "Specific Prayer". It struck me as a coincidence, since my dad's blog was almost verbatim to that title just the day before. Perhaps we can all be more specific in our prayers for you instead of just praying that things will get better or that you'll find the right place. I think of the Primary song "Search, Ponder & Pray" and I begin to see that sometimes it's not just enough to think we know what to pray for. Sometimes we actually have to pray and ask the Lord to guide us in what we should be praying for, as ironic as that may sound. It seems like when we were all praying specifically for things to go well with the paperwork in South America that the Lord truly "opened the doors". If there is something--anything--more specific you'd like us to pray for, please do not hesitate to make it clear to us. We love you and want to help you find your daughter. Love, Autumn
So this is unrelated, but maybe it'll cheer up your day. My family decided your idea of 50 things for my dad's 50th birthday would be great. They had the party last night and though I wasn't there I got a report from my mom on the sort of things people brought. They made me laugh and hopefully they'll make you laugh too. 50 pennies (cheapest gift they'd ever gotten away with, 50 50cent pieces, 50 favorite songs, 50 cashews (all individaully packaged in the soft of bags you get an extra button in with new clothes), 50 pieces of his favorite candy, 50 tires off of toy cars (if you remember my dad manages Les Schwab), 50 carrot peels (from a very funny friend of one of my sisters), and 50 marbles for when he starts to lose his. Thanks for such a wonderful idea!
Definitely not fun. Have you tried/looked into Great Wall China Adoptions? http://www.gwca.org/? A Professor in my department really, really enjoyed working with them.
Good luck!
Hang in there Mandee. Remember that the Lord promised that if we are faithful we shall have the righteous desires of our hearts. Your just going through the refiners fire right now. You'll get your little girl! You are in our prayers.
Hey Mandee, I am so sorry to hear about your boulder. You are so strong, try not to let this tear you down. You are incredible. Try to stay positive. You are a source of strength to me. I know you can get through this. Whenever I think I can't, I remember 1 Nephi 3:7. Sorry to sound preachy or anything, but He won't give us anything we can't handle. HE knows you can do this, that's what gives ME comfort. Love ya tons. Keep your chin up! ;o)
Hang in there kid. Vince Lombardi said" It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up." If I know you, you'll come up fighting. Rely on the Lord, and your great support team of family and friends. You'll be just fine.
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